Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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