The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
