Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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