I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
