You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
