I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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