There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
