maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
