he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
