if i can run in heels then i can drive
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's always time for handjobs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
