I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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