the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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