Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
