Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
