some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
