Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
