My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
