I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
