Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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