you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
