During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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