We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
