can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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