he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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