Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
