Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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