Tell her she can't have a vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
