Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
