Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
