just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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