You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
