Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
