and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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