Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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