I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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