so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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