you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
