I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
