If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
