Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
