She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
