It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
