Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
