you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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