For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
