Define "chronic" masturbator.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
