im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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