you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think your dad took our porno
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
