You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
