I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
