This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
