This dress was meant to end up on your floor
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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