he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
