I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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