Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
